Behind SLEEPING CHAOS: The Story of My Handcrafted Hoodie

Hi there! Today, let's dive deep into the story behind SLEEPING CHAOS.

Through my fashion brand, one of my main goals is to raise awareness about mental health, which I struggle with, and today we're talking about social anxiety and panic attacks.

So, what is social anxiety?
It's an intense, persistent fear of being judged, embarrassed, or humiliated in social situations. It can make everyday life feel overwhelming and interfere with even simple daily activities.

When I go out, I got hood up, cap on, mask covering my face (because I live in Japan, so I can), and loud music blasting through my headphones. I'm in my own bubble, and I like to feel safe in it, even more when I'm outside. I'm trying my best to step outside without them, but it's getting better, little by little.

This is why I designed SLEEPING CHAOS, with an extra-deep hood, overlength sleeves, an oversized fit, a scarf-style collar, and soft cotton and polyester fabric, woven in Japan.
Intending to help anyone struggling with this disorder.

I created this 1/1 piece from A to Z: drawing, designing, pattern-making, sewing, and hand-painting. 

It represents two years of having panic attacks almost every night after a psychologically traumatic event.

But what are nocturnal panic attacks?
Those are sudden, intense feelings of terror that wake you from sleep. Symptoms include a racing heart, sweating, and difficulty breathing. They peak quickly but can leave you disoriented. Common causes include daily stress, panic disorder, and sleep changes. They are not physically dangerous.

Dreams or nightmares, it didn't matter because they weren't ordinary. They were so vivid that they felt real. I could touch, smell, and hear everything. Every emotion I experienced in them, whether fear, sadness, or happiness, my body experienced too.

When I woke up, for 5 to 10 seconds, I didn't know where I was, unable to tell the difference between my dreams and reality. Every time, I woke up terrified and in tears, followed by a violent panic attack. I couldn’t breathe, my chest hurt, and the only way to calm down was to wake up fully... every night.

A year and a half into it, I forced myself not to cry because it only made the panic worse. The fear didn’t disappear, but the tears did. In the middle of that despair, I was lucky enough to have a friend at the beginning who knew how to help and could pull me back out of it.

This creation is deeply personal to me. It carries my scars and reflects the hard work I put into healing and learning to cope until I finally succeeded.

What helped me cope?
- Wake up fully before trying to sleep again, as falling back asleep too fast can make it worse. I learned that the hard way.
- Ground yourself: name 5 things you see, touch, and/or smell. Break the panic with your senses.
- If you’re alone, hug yourself. Remind yourself that you are safe, that it was a dream/nightmare. Everything is okay.
- Drink water; it helps a lot.
- Move a little, breathe, walk around. Avoid screens. You sadly have to go through it to get out of it.

If this is something you experience repeatedly, especially more than two or three times, please consider seeing a doctor or a mental health professional. You don't have to go through it alone.

If you know someone dealing with panic attacks, trauma, depression, or social anxiety, just be there for them. You can’t imagine how much just one person caring can make it easier.

Disclaimer: Please note that everything I share here is based on my personal experience. I'm not a doctor, and this isn't medical advice.

Thanks for reading,
Kate, aka MISFITKID